its been quite a while.

To start your day with failure is something you will never wish to happen to your existence, for you carry the whole of it all through out the day. i am having one now-trying to stop the things i never wished will happen to me but yes it is occuring.

Having missed an appointment, getting some early morning sermons, and battling personal issues oh my, these are just few of those many that i am supressing and fighting right now. I am looking at the greater possibility that through this writing, some part of me will be okay. a portion of that unhealed big wound will be okay, or hoping for numbness to prevail all through my life.

Life comes with many mysteries,many colors and surely, many ups and downs. i always wanted to be happy and i believe that everybody wants to be one. But what is happinness now? am i happy? where am i when it comes to happinness, with my life, career, emotions, etc.

I too cannot answer these questions. mind buggling as they are, i am caught in so many crossroads. i know that these answers are just in these roads where i am now. Just needed to stop and yes, pause and look at it in a more critical rather in an emotional way. But how? i do not know.

I am writing in this room, in the metropolitan city if Manila while listening to songs that in a way gives a soothing effect to what i am feeling right now. this is just so TRAGIC.

I will just keep on sailing and trying to be okay. this is one of the lowest and saddest moments in my life. and again hoping that happinness will envelope its meaning on me. It is something we want to have, and it is subjective but still many factors thrive to these concepts of achieving happinness. Gone are the days when you worry much only your exams and the allowance you get from your parents. but now, its an entirely different picture. You earn your keep, and you need to freaking work your ass off just to be okay. but it pains me to know that at the end of the day, you go back to your room and ask yourself, why do you do this and that? it is again asking yourself for you do not have someone or anyone to share the loads you have at your back. a friend's pat is good, but an embrace of someone you share your life with is a lot better. that is just a perspective of someone who comes in these roads of two worlds. but still friends are worth giving all you have. but that is another issue. for friends come and go. it is again you and yourself.

I am just calling for a peaceful me and myself and surely and hopefully i will be one:) love you myself...