silliman university library....
july 25, 2007
i hate yesterday, for it was a long bad day....
i hate myself for not complying things at the ryt time and place...
i hate myself for i don't know how and when to say NO....
i hate myself for i try to please other people even if i don't want to please them.........
i hate one of my teachers...
i hate my labandera who sends and picks my clothes not in the secheduled time...
i hate my room for we are congested and it is so hot...
and with that they keep on playing all these PC ames until dawn..........
i hate some of the boardmates i have or most of them for they just make some noise without considering that there are people who are tired and stressed out...Grrrrrrrrrrrrr
i hate stress, but i am always in this mode...
i hate the fact the i am always in trouble with other people....si9mple exchange of thoughts and principles and discussions with anyone might lead to some trouble...
i hate seeing someone for she destroys my day and eventually makes my mood bad...
incase, i hate it coz i will be missing a lot of things this saturday if ever we will push through with our Siquijor performance...
i hate the fact that my crush doesnt find me ok... huhuhuhu
i hate it coz, i miss the chit chat and talks with razcel and lyde...
i hate it coz i miss writing poems and stories....
i hate it for many people are shocked with the change and with the move to become happy....
i hate it for why is there a need for me to experience all this things....
i hate it because i just hate the idea of something that finds me difficult to write it here....
i hate it coz i miss my home, my mom, my siblings.... i hate it coz i dont know if i am making the ryt choice in my life and i hate it for i am into different options and i am having hard time choosin the riht one... or in those choices the riht one is missing....
God help me..... mwahhhh!!!
this is just a simple picture of how troubled i am these days....
you may see the biggest smile when you see me around,,,, but its only my teddy bear and my pillows who serve as the testimonies to the pain and hurt i am experiencing now...
i hate it for why is there a need to say these things....
maybe it just satisfies me............. wah!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Because of the adjusting process i am into even until now, i was not able to check and to update my blog and the events that happened to me for the past weeks... yes! i was raped by the situation and the different facets of being a teacher, student, dancer, dreamer, director, and a lover...(i guess)
- for the past weeks, i felt the shame of still asking my parents specially my mom, for financial support. it gives me the guilty feeling and as i have said the shame, buit i do not have any options... for me to live and to survive i need to swallow my pride in this matter. But fortunately after a month of teaching, i will be receiving my first honorarium. which is on the other hand, enough to pay my rentals, food, and some paper documents that i need. Help me!!!!
- for the past weeks, i conditioned my mind the need for me to change.Change for my bettermnent! Change in the way i look, the way i act, the way i carry myself, and totally the way i envision myself 3 to 5 years from now. I am part of the Academe and much more of the Silliman's credible roster of educators. i need to develop a new lifestyle, to adhere to the different demands of the profession and my other responsibilities and duties. It is hard but so far i am changing and i am trying my best to be worth it of the said titles i have in my belt.
- for the past weeks, i was able to strenghten the good communication with my siblings and my family. the comfort and support we share in the diferent points of our individual lives. the love and the open communication give us the better understanding and the promise that we will stand together till the end of time.
- for the past weeks, i met new friends, established new bonds and new circles of great and crazy species. Some remained, developing a higher level of the so called friendship. Some had little misunderstandings and hatred.... yes, i miss some of those old friends who are now more or less acquaintances or strangers, but as what my friend said while giving a negative feedback about me. "Claudio is the type of person that finds difficulty in tying loose ends". and i agree with him while he described me with those words. i guess there are just very few of those good things that we need to end. I learned a lot form those incidents and indeed, giving me some lessons, amidst the pain; smiles amidst the tears;promises amidst the said and the unsaid words; and lastly violations among the cautions and warnings. Miss you all....
- for the past weeks, i am enjoying the texting relationship with someone, who is now in manila. I met him here in dumaguete. we text everyday, 24 / 7. i met him sunday night,while studying at a snack shop, then by tuesday he left and went back to manila. with that meeting we are trying our best to work things and in the situation that we are in right now. i really do not believe in such relationship(long disatance) but im starting to believe it and hopefully it will blossom into something only our hearts can explain.
- for the past weeks, i found another person that gives a deeper meaning to waht i will term my identity - my preference. most likely i underwent the same process before but i guess, i alike HER! for my friends for sure, you will freak out the moment you read this. but hopefully you will understand... lyde i hope you understand.... mwah@!@!@
- for the past weeks, i am trying to look for more and deeper reasons of staying here in dumaguete. it is not that i am not enjoying my teaching stint here. actually i feel so blessed and honoured being part of the Silliman's faculty team, but it is just that i am trying to ask my self the concepts of contentment and happiness. i am happy but not contented! and i think it happens to us, we never feel contented with all the things that we have. also, im trying to know, if this is really what i want to do. im trying my best to fall in love with the MA i am taking now. its just that i am not into it i guess. Thanks to Maam Gina, she is one great and eefective teacher that helps me in tying my passion to what i am studying now.
- for the past weeks, i missed writing poems, having a long chitchat with ratzel and lyde, going to beaches and rivers, and all other crazy things.
-for the past weeks i immersed my self to the internet. watching mariah carey, whitney houstons, etc videos. and alos checking my mails, friendsters and other wild, and crazy things. aside from the required assignments and related readings that i need to get from the internet.
i still have a lot to say and to add here, but my time is over and i ned to go...
i miss my smart textmates. dont you worry most likely i will be back toimorrow and i will be back with great enthusiasm and joy for i miss you a lot!!!! Nyko, mky, king and my sister!!!!
wah!!!!
thanks for the friendships guys... i love you all!
- for the past weeks, i felt the shame of still asking my parents specially my mom, for financial support. it gives me the guilty feeling and as i have said the shame, buit i do not have any options... for me to live and to survive i need to swallow my pride in this matter. But fortunately after a month of teaching, i will be receiving my first honorarium. which is on the other hand, enough to pay my rentals, food, and some paper documents that i need. Help me!!!!
- for the past weeks, i conditioned my mind the need for me to change.Change for my bettermnent! Change in the way i look, the way i act, the way i carry myself, and totally the way i envision myself 3 to 5 years from now. I am part of the Academe and much more of the Silliman's credible roster of educators. i need to develop a new lifestyle, to adhere to the different demands of the profession and my other responsibilities and duties. It is hard but so far i am changing and i am trying my best to be worth it of the said titles i have in my belt.
- for the past weeks, i was able to strenghten the good communication with my siblings and my family. the comfort and support we share in the diferent points of our individual lives. the love and the open communication give us the better understanding and the promise that we will stand together till the end of time.
- for the past weeks, i met new friends, established new bonds and new circles of great and crazy species. Some remained, developing a higher level of the so called friendship. Some had little misunderstandings and hatred.... yes, i miss some of those old friends who are now more or less acquaintances or strangers, but as what my friend said while giving a negative feedback about me. "Claudio is the type of person that finds difficulty in tying loose ends". and i agree with him while he described me with those words. i guess there are just very few of those good things that we need to end. I learned a lot form those incidents and indeed, giving me some lessons, amidst the pain; smiles amidst the tears;promises amidst the said and the unsaid words; and lastly violations among the cautions and warnings. Miss you all....
- for the past weeks, i am enjoying the texting relationship with someone, who is now in manila. I met him here in dumaguete. we text everyday, 24 / 7. i met him sunday night,while studying at a snack shop, then by tuesday he left and went back to manila. with that meeting we are trying our best to work things and in the situation that we are in right now. i really do not believe in such relationship(long disatance) but im starting to believe it and hopefully it will blossom into something only our hearts can explain.
- for the past weeks, i found another person that gives a deeper meaning to waht i will term my identity - my preference. most likely i underwent the same process before but i guess, i alike HER! for my friends for sure, you will freak out the moment you read this. but hopefully you will understand... lyde i hope you understand.... mwah@!@!@
- for the past weeks, i am trying to look for more and deeper reasons of staying here in dumaguete. it is not that i am not enjoying my teaching stint here. actually i feel so blessed and honoured being part of the Silliman's faculty team, but it is just that i am trying to ask my self the concepts of contentment and happiness. i am happy but not contented! and i think it happens to us, we never feel contented with all the things that we have. also, im trying to know, if this is really what i want to do. im trying my best to fall in love with the MA i am taking now. its just that i am not into it i guess. Thanks to Maam Gina, she is one great and eefective teacher that helps me in tying my passion to what i am studying now.
- for the past weeks, i missed writing poems, having a long chitchat with ratzel and lyde, going to beaches and rivers, and all other crazy things.
-for the past weeks i immersed my self to the internet. watching mariah carey, whitney houstons, etc videos. and alos checking my mails, friendsters and other wild, and crazy things. aside from the required assignments and related readings that i need to get from the internet.
i still have a lot to say and to add here, but my time is over and i ned to go...
i miss my smart textmates. dont you worry most likely i will be back toimorrow and i will be back with great enthusiasm and joy for i miss you a lot!!!! Nyko, mky, king and my sister!!!!
wah!!!!
thanks for the friendships guys... i love you all!
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