this page will not be enough i guess, of how thankful i am that God bestowed me with a great Journey --- my life....

i do not know why am i saying this...but its like, i am writing this blog with mix emotions, anger and doubts but amidst all these doubts,im am most grateful and must be satisfied. hay hope this blog will lead to somewhere...

yes --- im single again, officially, again free to spread my wings and to roam the vast world with no attachment. maybe its just pride, why i am telling this, but hey im a human, and i mean that i was hurt,with what happened, but so proud that after a day of realization im finally back in my track and more than willing to fight more and more specially that i found my new sets of weapons and armaments.---- my friends....my students....my parents....my family....my brothers and sisters.... and my creator.

yes, the person who betrayed me is my dear old friend,way back college life. a mentor, a person i respected and admired and a person who i cared most in a small circle of indifferent species ---yes the snake, i call him now. but anyways im happy with whatever outcome and the things i just did to them. you call it boxing tournament.... so proud, i was able to do it already. Nosebleed and akong friends pagkabalo nilang nakasumbag kog tawo.... it will happen. Karma is always there to hit them and lead them to Burma... rhyming kaayo-...

but all these things are just flickers of dust, compared to all the things i have gained through all these....

1. my friends - i mean the real friends who i thought were not real, and were not there in times when i needed them. friends that listened, friends that showed care and support, and friends that laughed and cried with me. its amazing how God moves- mysterious, powerful ways... yet we always take Him for granted. forgive me thy Lord.

Friends------need not to mention you guys but as in SUPER thank you

2. my students - i mean, i lots a friend but God sent me to the teaching world, for me to start many seeds of friendship, that i am starting to nourish and to look at now. students, who were afraid of me during the first day of class; now im afraid of loosing them for the semester is already on its last page. Hahay!~ Students who text me and send me warm hearted quotes... saying that we will miss you sir and the great bonding we shared.... admitting that they are unique and that their classmates were hard headed... hehehe reminds me of my old days in the great silliman skies. well...one thing is for sure... god designed this road for us to meet and for sure he has a better reason for us to keep and continue whatever road he started for us...

i am missing you guys already... i just love all of you... and i will say that teaching is the only reason why i keep my feet set in this great city.

im just a text away if you need me....

3. my creator - God thanks for the gift of life and the gift of touching others. i always be your son who dreams of making a difference in this world. and of being a full pledged servant. Lord, continue granting me the happiness and also the different challenges you have for me... and use me mold me to whatever you want me to be....

Lord forgive them, forgive me.... and God the father I praise and thank you for all the wonderful things i have and for letting me see great things in the most painful and down moment of my life...

Thanks for the promise and assurance that you gave....

love you lord..

nissan car... the students who keeps reminding me of this... kaw good...
emotional ka!

hehehe

now its time for me to see my dreams... the seedlings of reality...

mwah

Room
Sunday, 1:45AM
Happy for i just reconciled with a friend....

love you guys

its been so long, since i last posted a simple reflection of my chaotic, but still i may say a life of purpose and goal....

this is just an outburst for i just experienced a totally destructive and self realization event in my life. trying to ask, whats wrong? why me? is there no end with all these things happening to me? or its just that i am not blessed with this thing we called love....???

but certainly i am ok... its just, i cant find the real reason of whatever happened.

maybe i am too much... i ignored that person, i just took that person for granted, thinking that that person loved me so much. trying not to show my real feelings toward that person... so i just let things happened...

buts when the time comes, of you feeling that you are starting to loose, someone, then there you realize that that person is important, that that person is already part of your existence, that you will cry the moment the person will say goodbye....

what are the good things in a goodbye? i don not know....

please let me know...

i cried,the whole nyt yesterday, till this afternoon, skipped my breakfast, as i normally do, but to the extend of dinner and lunch... trying to evaluate where and when i committed somethings that are not pleasing in the eyes of that person... for that person to say ok... off muna tayo.....

this is so tragic... but still i will try to be ok.... i will try to pretend everything is ok... pretentions... full of fakeness and lies... cant live in that position, as i continue to making my dreams fly and soar high....

hope i will be ok...

God help me...

i can still remember parang kahapon lang, that i was really happy, that i have someone... now i am completely loosing that someone... without a concrete reason...

hope as i move on... i could get these reasons clear...

love you my friends...

for with out my friends i will die...

Lyde thanks for the sweet understanding... indeed we end up messed up and trashed down, same topic and same seasons or months...

genrey.... hope we can share mre and God forbid my instincts will be true....


Franciz.... your such a beautiful creature god sent to me... i will be ok... and i dont know if you will be able to read this but one thing for sure i am so happy and touched with your sincerity and with your concern....love you ghurl...

WI Max
11:09
August 20, 2007

the night is full of mystery as i prepare myself for another battle - that is to face all my notes and my books for i will be delivering my report tomorrow around 4 in the afternoon... hopefully i will be able to make it. God is and will always be good to us... eventhough we turn out to be the worst and the spoiled human species in this land... i can say i am the best example of this, but certainly i would like to thank Him for all the blessings... hopefully i am in the right tracK and i am with good and the right friends in backing me up in all of my encounters with life... God bless to all of you guys...

i just drop by to say that life is so nice.... there is the sweetness to it and there will be the stage where we can say that the world is against us... maybe i am in the stage of sweetness... and hopefully i will be there forever but that won't happen for sure... continuously we will be experiencing the roller coaster ride of this journey.... God bless to me....

still need to entertain all my notes and all the things need to finish before the sun will smile tomorrow...
good nyt!!!!

SU Library.....
Waiting for my 3:00 PM class.....

Lately, all things are going my way, i guess.... but there are always these things that either makes you happy or makes your nerves freak out!
problems are always there but the hell i care! manigas yang mga problem na yan... i still have a lot of books to read for my masteral class.... i have a report due this Tuesday.... i still did not start computing the grades of my spoiled students and i haven't had the chance to fix and to clean my room.... hehehe

i noticed i am so "lingas" lately... spending a lot of time to other things but i am not regretting those time spent for they made me happy and alive... hehhehehe

i really do not know where this blog is heading but i'm definitely sure that i need to greet and to wish a friend, BEa, who is celebrating her birthday today.... hehehehe

When i asked God for a relationship last summer and before i graduated, i kept on waiting and yes......he answered my prayers but instead of giving me one... he placed me in different roads of happiness and cloud 9 effect....though i am not complaining, its just that the different situations are somewhat difficult to understand and to analyze..... but yes!!!! that is why i am just smiling at all these things and as much as possible not worrying about all these things.... but the moment i am all alone in the room before i close my eyes to meet my angels in my slumber, things in different packages and colours cloud my mind leading me to nowhere....

all i wanna do and feel now is to bring me back to that feeling of love! maybe i was traumatized or got hurt so much... but one thing for sure i am in love with this unique soul right now... but still cant do my moves for its not right but its ok! heheheh

all i wanna do and feel is to find my way back into LOVE!!!!!

hope i made sense!

silliman university library....
july 25, 2007

i hate yesterday, for it was a long bad day....
i hate myself for not complying things at the ryt time and place...
i hate myself for i don't know how and when to say NO....
i hate myself for i try to please other people even if i don't want to please them.........
i hate one of my teachers...
i hate my labandera who sends and picks my clothes not in the secheduled time...
i hate my room for we are congested and it is so hot...
and with that they keep on playing all these PC ames until dawn..........
i hate some of the boardmates i have or most of them for they just make some noise without considering that there are people who are tired and stressed out...Grrrrrrrrrrrrr
i hate stress, but i am always in this mode...
i hate the fact the i am always in trouble with other people....si9mple exchange of thoughts and principles and discussions with anyone might lead to some trouble...
i hate seeing someone for she destroys my day and eventually makes my mood bad...
incase, i hate it coz i will be missing a lot of things this saturday if ever we will push through with our Siquijor performance...

i hate the fact that my crush doesnt find me ok... huhuhuhu

i hate it coz, i miss the chit chat and talks with razcel and lyde...
i hate it coz i miss writing poems and stories....
i hate it for many people are shocked with the change and with the move to become happy....
i hate it for why is there a need for me to experience all this things....
i hate it because i just hate the idea of something that finds me difficult to write it here....

i hate it coz i miss my home, my mom, my siblings.... i hate it coz i dont know if i am making the ryt choice in my life and i hate it for i am into different options and i am having hard time choosin the riht one... or in those choices the riht one is missing....

God help me..... mwahhhh!!!

this is just a simple picture of how troubled i am these days....
you may see the biggest smile when you see me around,,,, but its only my teddy bear and my pillows who serve as the testimonies to the pain and hurt i am experiencing now...

i hate it for why is there a need to say these things....


maybe it just satisfies me............. wah!!!!!!!!!!!!

Because of the adjusting process i am into even until now, i was not able to check and to update my blog and the events that happened to me for the past weeks... yes! i was raped by the situation and the different facets of being a teacher, student, dancer, dreamer, director, and a lover...(i guess)

- for the past weeks, i felt the shame of still asking my parents specially my mom, for financial support. it gives me the guilty feeling and as i have said the shame, buit i do not have any options... for me to live and to survive i need to swallow my pride in this matter. But fortunately after a month of teaching, i will be receiving my first honorarium. which is on the other hand, enough to pay my rentals, food, and some paper documents that i need. Help me!!!!

- for the past weeks, i conditioned my mind the need for me to change.Change for my bettermnent! Change in the way i look, the way i act, the way i carry myself, and totally the way i envision myself 3 to 5 years from now. I am part of the Academe and much more of the Silliman's credible roster of educators. i need to develop a new lifestyle, to adhere to the different demands of the profession and my other responsibilities and duties. It is hard but so far i am changing and i am trying my best to be worth it of the said titles i have in my belt.

- for the past weeks, i was able to strenghten the good communication with my siblings and my family. the comfort and support we share in the diferent points of our individual lives. the love and the open communication give us the better understanding and the promise that we will stand together till the end of time.

- for the past weeks, i met new friends, established new bonds and new circles of great and crazy species. Some remained, developing a higher level of the so called friendship. Some had little misunderstandings and hatred.... yes, i miss some of those old friends who are now more or less acquaintances or strangers, but as what my friend said while giving a negative feedback about me. "Claudio is the type of person that finds difficulty in tying loose ends". and i agree with him while he described me with those words. i guess there are just very few of those good things that we need to end. I learned a lot form those incidents and indeed, giving me some lessons, amidst the pain; smiles amidst the tears;promises amidst the said and the unsaid words; and lastly violations among the cautions and warnings. Miss you all....

- for the past weeks, i am enjoying the texting relationship with someone, who is now in manila. I met him here in dumaguete. we text everyday, 24 / 7. i met him sunday night,while studying at a snack shop, then by tuesday he left and went back to manila. with that meeting we are trying our best to work things and in the situation that we are in right now. i really do not believe in such relationship(long disatance) but im starting to believe it and hopefully it will blossom into something only our hearts can explain.

- for the past weeks, i found another person that gives a deeper meaning to waht i will term my identity - my preference. most likely i underwent the same process before but i guess, i alike HER! for my friends for sure, you will freak out the moment you read this. but hopefully you will understand... lyde i hope you understand.... mwah@!@!@

- for the past weeks, i am trying to look for more and deeper reasons of staying here in dumaguete. it is not that i am not enjoying my teaching stint here. actually i feel so blessed and honoured being part of the Silliman's faculty team, but it is just that i am trying to ask my self the concepts of contentment and happiness. i am happy but not contented! and i think it happens to us, we never feel contented with all the things that we have. also, im trying to know, if this is really what i want to do. im trying my best to fall in love with the MA i am taking now. its just that i am not into it i guess. Thanks to Maam Gina, she is one great and eefective teacher that helps me in tying my passion to what i am studying now.

- for the past weeks, i missed writing poems, having a long chitchat with ratzel and lyde, going to beaches and rivers, and all other crazy things.

-for the past weeks i immersed my self to the internet. watching mariah carey, whitney houstons, etc videos. and alos checking my mails, friendsters and other wild, and crazy things. aside from the required assignments and related readings that i need to get from the internet.

i still have a lot to say and to add here, but my time is over and i ned to go...

i miss my smart textmates. dont you worry most likely i will be back toimorrow and i will be back with great enthusiasm and joy for i miss you a lot!!!! Nyko, mky, king and my sister!!!!

wah!!!!

thanks for the friendships guys... i love you all!

hello!

after a long silence due to the political disturbances back in my very majestic province of basilan, i am no alive and kicking to be here again in the City of Gentle people, with a lot of enthusiasm and excitement....

next week will be a great week for i will be starting my teaching profession, that is if i will pass the teaching demonstration and the interview that Silliman wants me to have... which i only knew this morning... so sad....but well i guess i should pass all these things... anyways.... i must do good or else i will be jobless and will be part of the bum people in the philippines... God forbid!!! anyways....

I know God has good plans for me...

and yes i am back here,, and ang daming chismaxxxx hehehe!!!!

write soon....

a poem written by my friend...

Midnight thoughts
myk credo
12 AM, May 07, 2007

Tossing and turning
i shape thoughts of you
i visualize the possibilities
of distant souls intertwined
of spirits calm and peaceful amidst chaos
of hearts beating in new rhythms
despite rough waves in between

summer nights never felt so cold
intil the feel of u ran thru my fingertips
and i could amost hear your voice calling
it gets colder by the minute
when utter silence descends
and when all thoughts remains is of you

gliding in pirouettes
in a dance
casting a spell on me

this poem is dedicated to a friend... who went on a vacation for one sem, and she is making her comeback this June... she is no other than Klen klen Virgo pataksil...

i had a nice time talking to this ghurl and wow nagkagulo at nagkalat kami sa Boston market with another chavacano kabsi--- allan!

to my critics... back to rhyming napud ko!

Poisonous Virgo

beauty....
bubbly.....
and funny
that is my collection
a treasure huge as a nation

a barbie
a candy
a sweetie
with a touch like the deer named bambie

full of substance
as she always sway
and make me dance

thank god
psshht! she is not that bad

people see her strange
but i tell you
she is one great concept of rage

people see her like a bitch
but mind you
its better than being a witch

people see her differently
but the hell i care
for she i one precious jewelry

this is my stone...
my friend...
a piece of happiness
a piece of greatness
Thanking God for a soul
that reminds me how deep his love can roll
his love in me
will always set me free, for such great creature
i will forever be thankful


klen klen, always remind me of how life is... yup, i know she has her own stupid acts... but well we love our friends no matter what and who they are!!!!

kleng! you made my day!

basilan on the go!!!!

whoa... i am back here at last... my hometown for a short vacation. yes i will be back to dumaguet for an outreach event in bicol ryt after the holy week. wel i am enjoying the company of my crazy siblings.. the long debates with my lolo and lola, the chika fever with my mom, and the straight forward (hahaha bet yah straight?) conversations with my dad. hahahah

well i havent seen my highschool friends and that will be another story...

but well the news about my grand graduation from a very prestigious university is becoming a hit, topping it in the charts! most of the peopl claims that they studied in Silliman, that their relatives grdauted there and bla bla blabla.... heheheh, that only shows how great the school is.. bt the thing is, my father is very proud of it! whoa...

anyways just dropping by, with this very hot internet cafe, with only one ceiling fan... wha! Basilan move on.... so much for that hope evrybody is haing the best of summer but before jumping out with your bikinis and shorts... please be guided with the events and activities for the holy week... specially or us Christians...

that is all.. i am longing for a new feeling... cant wait to get my pen and write another poem....

i hate with the politics here... grabe,.....

kadaghang topic oi!!!!!!!!!!

wow
a day before the formal rites of the 94th Commencement exercises, silliman university, where in i am marching together with other 800 souls and dreamers, that will later be the leaders of this country. it is just so ironic, because i don't feel like attending the ceremony, honest! even it is an honor to be leading the graduates as an honor student, aside from the fact that me and my mom are having a little of these cat fights because of some preprations for these once in a lifetym event. wah...
i think it is the fact that the concept of being an honor student and a graduate still di not sink in my mind, and i am still overwelmed with the things that happened to me... the bonding that i found with all the people , actors, and production staff from my play - Alimyon. yesterday we took and escape all the busy pedicab noise and dusty roads of dumaguete and stretched our tired bodies at a beach resort somewhere at Bacong. laughing, sharing the fun times, drinking all these holy liquids, and at the same time sharing the great cries from our hearts because of some things, that we never imagined would happen.
Mayah Dulnuan,a friend and my stage manager, a theatre person. really congratulated me on how i was able to build a new family from different souls, who just met and established a long and lasting friendship. this alone makes me feel insane... everytime i am trying to get the tought of me graduating so soon, ay ugma na diay!

wah... also the fact that i am staying here in Silliman, gives me a feeling that well i am still and will be here, so no pressure!!!!!! i will still meet my crazy collections next june.. or more or less be with them this summer..... wah! you know the concept of parting ways and leaving some great people who became part of your daily itenerary! but that missing will not have its place soon, coz as i have said i will still be here hahah! teacher na ko! so minimize drinking and party bar hopping!

i think these reason makes me feel hmmmm basta i cant explain. for sure you will agree with me that this unexplained feeling is the term we call ----- Excitement... so excited ko? am i!!!! hahahah

well thanks to all people who became and are part of my collge life. you made my collge life one of the best or i may say close to the best or the bet part of my life..... love you all...........

after the four years of waiting, nope i will include the one year escapades in the land of the rising sun - Japan...so a total of 5 crazy years in college... trying to get the most form tmy teachers, from the people around me and from the experience.... am i ready to get and fly high....?

well this question for sure haunts every college graduates, for no one really knows what is at stake for everybody out there.... it is as if going in a competition with billions of other souls trying to fit in a one seat of fame... but lately i discovered that well why will i rush in to that world if i know i would not be happy, trying to get those millions of money, yet my heart is craving for something that is always my love and my passion, and that is the world of performing arts.

whoa! it feels different having this feeling lately for i am also caught in a middle of a lot of roads whhich i am having hard time to understand... will my family be happy of the path i will be taking? are they expecting too much from me, knowing i am a sillimanian, the only in the family. humility aside, graduating with flying colours... well i really do not know. as of now, i am determined to explore more of my interests by teaching and with this be a good instrument of change with my drive to be on stage. and at the same time touching peoples lives with what i believe is great.

i am just so pleased and happy, when a cast of my play --- alimyon, Fitchy, is really becoming and making her name, in the field of stage. it is just overwelming for you know thta you help her to build more confidence and for sure she will agree with me that she learned from the expereince she gained from my play. that is really sometjhing that i will cherished for the rest of my life. seeing her yesterday at the seniors day, while doing a skit makes my heart roar and happy....

thank God for that avenue of helping me realize to really push on the limits on making a difference with what i got! well you have a talent why hide it? remember the parable of talents? that is one great fact that we should always remember when we speak of talents offereing and sharing!!

love you guys....

after the four years of waiting, nope i will include the one year escapades in the land of the rising sun - Japan...so a total of 5 crazy years in college... trying to get the most form tmy teachers, from the people around me and from the experience.... am i ready to get and fly high....?

well this question for sure haunts every college graduates, for no one really knows what is at stake for everybody out there.... it is as if going in a competition with billions of other souls trying to fit in a one seat of fame... but lately i discovered that well why will i rush in to that world if i know i would not be happy, trying to get those millions of money, yet my heart is craving for something that is always my love and my passion, and that is the world of performing arts.

whoa! it feels different having this feeling lately for i am also caught in a middle of a lot of roads whhich i am having hard time to understand... will my family be happy of the path i will be taking? are they expecting too much from me, knowing i am a sillimanian, the only in the family. humility aside, graduating with flying colours... well i really do not know. as of now, i am determined to explore more of my interests by teaching and with this be a good instrument of change with my drive to be on stage. and at the same time touching peoples lives with what i believe is great.

i am just so pleased and happy, when a cast of my play --- alimyon, Fitchy, is really becoming and making her name, in the field of stage. it is just overwelming for you know thta you help her to build more confidence and for sure she will agree with me that she learned from the expereince she gained from my play. that is really sometjhing that i will cherished for the rest of my life. seeing her yesterday at the seniors day, while doing a skit makes my heart roar and happy....

thank God for that avenue of helping me realize to really push on the limits on making a difference with what i got! well you have a talent why hide it? remember the parable of talents? that is one great fact that we should always remember when we speak of talents offereing and sharing!!

love you guys....

Escanyo, Dumaguete
March 14 2007
2:00 AM

dedicated to: Linwell, Marcus (a new friend) and my craziness

Luna

with three soul running
this vast desert of loneliness
all we could feel is emptiness
--- deep and real
but to see this one great masterpiece
as it signals the darkness sweet embrace
yet always sealed with one true kiss
as it gives spark to this deep blue fountain of life
as it caresses the feeling of pain
making us feel stupid and insane

o luna
after this exchange of mixture
--- traitor but adds us to our soul
we end up wasted and noisy
silent? shhhh
wanting to go to slumber
feel the sweet angels flying in the heaven's sky
but as we open our sight
as we take the next step in this roller coaster ride

we remember the moon
as the only witness in all acts
--- naughty or not

even for a moment
luna you made me feel blue
wanting not to stop
this interaction
this one night affair
the time
--- as it runs so fast
wait!

still we believe you will keep quiet
as we share this cup
make it a symbol
of love that is just a blaff

moon come and visit me once more
in my dream lagoon...

Wahhhhhhh

all i could do is shout and be the happiest man on earth.... for 3 reasons....

1. My play was a sucess, and im getting good reviews from it, well there are some but i will say very few of them well you can never please evryone. But as a whole the play was outstanding. I am just happy for the fact that people stayed for 2 hours and 30 minutes watching the play. and that alone is already an honor. the Luce auditorium was full. heheheh though they are required...hahahha well yon.. im done na jud with that stressful play.. and hope was able to touch peoples lives, and really brought the meaning im the consiousness of the people who watched. lets promote gender and sexula awareness!

2. i am blessed with great, friends. the Alimyon productions, would not be a sucess if not because of the help of great friends... one text away and these people will just be there, like mushrooms in the forest and sure fire, ready to take the leap on helping me in all things. i commend Richu Kung, a kahayag friend, who became my caterer, or the food incharge... i never expected he will do all those things. Thanks Chung. To aiken Quipot, still a kahayag friend, who is always hungry when it comes to the magical stage and the perfroming arts, he makes me happy all the time, and injects me all those happy and fun jokes, to get away all those wrinkles and stuffs, he helped me with the make up and other things. as i have said, i feel secure when this Bubbly creature is around. To Nonito Cuizon, who sacrificed his own personal satisfaction of watching the play, because i asked him to take the video, yon, nagpugong sya to the highest para di sya mu laugh. thanks kaayo nitz.... Mwah!

Mga friends who are always there, Ratzel, Lyde, Anna, Ger, Easter and Husband, The Weekly Sillimanian, Portal Yearbook, Outheast Asia Organization, and the Kahayag Dance Troupe. Thanks for everything. Si ate Sharon Rose Dadang, Basta tanan who helped me. the teachers who required their lambs to watch... Maam Selibio, Maam Rina Fernadez, Sir Oracion, Sir Van Peel, Sir montenegro and maam Phoebie Tan.. and all those people who helped me.

And lastly to my actors... and my mucicians, si Noy and Jerry. Grabe Grabe.. These people made and gave me another family that i will treasure the next years of my existence. the people who listened, sacrificed their precious times,their studies, their love life... grabe.. thanks and hope you gained a good experience. i will be missing you all. actually im starting to miss you na.... but well we will see if naay repeat.

Thank you all.

3. My family, papa and mama, Ate amam, biboy, nikki, iris and roy roy. Grabe jud. these people are my wealth and my pearls that i have in my pocket. you will always be the inspiration that i have to be the best/. My father, came and watched my play... kakaiba yon, though he coud not comprehend the cenuano language, still he was so happy. Mand the play menas a lot to me, because, father and mother spent their 23rd Wedding anniversary on that date, March 3..... wah!!! grabe jud... Wa na ko masay...

But above all God... thanks for the big talent... and so i know i have a big responsibility.... help me always to do the best in all things you give me... love you God, and continue make me a tool of your love!

To god be the Glory.....

Stars are that far for us to know how far our dreams can go, if we will partner it with hardwork and dedication...

Cup of life

The aroma...
the taste...
The beauty that is never a waste

Of marbles swaying on the ground
With Mother Nature soothing sound
Found these rolling pebbles
Need to blend with water's bubbles
Grinded, fine, leading and you will be blind
Like cupid's touch
With couple sensually acting in a couch
Mixed with white honey
For sure the feeling will be lively
For this is the cofee
a mixture, giving me high excstacy
in life's full of mystery
Still with this cup
I may say I'm on top
A different feeling,
as if swaying and dancing
shared with someone great being
blessed by the eternal who guides us in our living

cofee you complete me...


poem...
Silliman University Coop Store
12:36
la lang inspired lang po...
pasensya na di po ako national artist for literature...